Ready to bid farewell

So its been awhile since my last post... couple of highlights since then

• Ended up in Brooklyn with a random I met on the train (not a good experience)
• Became official with my "my young flame"
• Met the fam
• Got kicked out of a Club for the first time 
• Touched lips with a female for the first time( my sister in law, bit awkward)

Oh and I also got  my first seat belt ticket, lots of first in New York! I should go out with a bang and do all the shit I haven't done and wouldn't do in Utah if you catch my drift  ;) But I wont.So, anyhow the following post was originally written May 31st I then had a change of heart and decided not to post it in but I find myself in the same mood again today so here it is unfinished..............

5/31/2011 EST @8:35 pm


New York , the city  where dreams come true filled with bright lights glitz glamour and fashion. Not the place where you carry diapers in your Coach Bag or get fashion tips from a 2 year old ( Sidney didnt like my fedora today) or make up tips from a 5 year old ( Max who instructs me on how and when I should do my make up). and definately not the place where you pay for your boyfriends gas and beer.

I came out here on whim I had nothing to lose. As the  quote says its not until youve lost every that your free to do anything.This was especially true for me, after  having lost "the one", lost my job, my car breaking down and having to move out of my old apt. I left mid semester I frankly just did not give a fuck anymore what was the worst that could happen? So why not hop a flight across the country to tend 3 little bastards and get poorly paid for it. Sounded like a good idea, since at the time I was doing the whole "church" thing abstaining from wordly goods (in my case sex and alcohol) . I had already lost my individuality why not my independence while Im at.  Yeah.... that lasted about 2 weeks once out here I began to meet ppl left and right in random bars, trains, streets, parties ect. Like they say you can take the b-ball player out the hood but you cant take the hood out the player. Likewise You can pull me out of a party but you cant take it  out of me, no matter where I am I will find it.

Long story short once I  accepted myself for what I am I came to terms with my broken engagement and was finally able to put it behind me I moved one step forward and 6 years back to a time where I didnt have a car, didnt have my own apt, didn't go to college, depended on my family(except for this is worse I depend on a white family, who isn't mine) and dated 20 year olds  who were barely getting their 1st car, worked part time and lived at their mom's house. Ive pretty much regressed in every aspect of my life, Im listening to reggaeton for christ sake( shit I listened to when I was 16-17), I've stopped going to the gym and become financially unorganized my savings went from the thousands to the hundreds. Im reliving my adolecence at the age 22, its time to go home.