Good bye, New York? 3/19

3/19/2011 @ 2:40 pm EST

I fucked up. I think I blew my opportunity in New York. I met a lot of people fast and last night I went to a party at the dorms Idk whether it was because I was nervous or because I don't drink out here and the beer is double me puse bien borracha tan borracha que me cai en la tina del bano en el dorm. Before I knew it was time to leave and I decided to have a cigarette before doing so. Idk where I put the pack whether I left them on the bench I hope to god I did or if I put them in my pocket and they fell out in the van, or out of my purse cuando llege a la casa I was barely able to set my foot in the kitchen when it crept up on me. Vomite una buena hora. I went to bed and woke up at ten the bathroom still wreaked of vomit and there was a new roll of toilet paper which told me A)Jeff had been in the bathroom, B) probably spotted some vomit and had smelled it and so he possibly knew what i was up to last night. I wondered if they had heard me purge for an hour. I tried to act cool as if my hangover didn't exist although i was fighting the shakes, a migraine and nausea. I went out and used a book as an excuse to look for the pack  in the van I found a can of beer instead, this was not a good sign. I looked twice and found nothing but i had a premonising feeling that they were just not in immediate sight that because of my hangover I would be unable to find them and Cori would instead. I think i was right. I woke up to Cori whispering furiously to Jeff I couldn't make out

I didn't know I was drunk until this happened

what they were saying all I heard was camel and she shook a box of some kind that sounded like a half empty pack. I was doing my best to eaves drop but i only heard bits and pieces, jeff said," what she does when she is out of the house isn't our business, that shipped has sailed we aren't going to tolerate it, you better call your mom and let her know she is going to be pissed. Half of me is wishing that I'm just paranoid and that they were left on the bench but thats just wishful thinking. The other half knows I'm fucked and is debating whether to blame them on marina or just come out and tell them that im not a smoker but i do have them when I'm extremely distraught or nervous which is hardly ever. But then I wonder those 2 days that i was on edge did the neighbors see me smoke those 2 cigs, did Cori see me at the train station did they know and were just waiting for me to confess. At this point idk what to do so I'm just going to sit in my room and avoid all contact with them. We'll see how long she can resist the urge to chew me out I think thats why she left to the library she cant keep cool with me only a few steps from her that and to get the scoop on the impression Ive made so they can formulate their final judgement on letting me go.