God Hates Me............

10/19/2011 3:14pm MST
God hates me…. He has given many reaffirmations these past couple of days. In addition to everything listed in the previous entry ,shit got worse on Oct 4th.

 I woke up early with a positive attitude I was gonna make this day my bitch. Workout, studying and acing a test, was what was on my agenda. Instead it went like this……….woke up to $200 dollars missing in my bank account. Went to the bank wasted an hour stressing to find out it was only my rent check clearing. On my way from the bank to the school I received my first ever collection phone call so much for my 680 credit score turns out I forgot to pay a Dr’s bill before leaving to NY. There is now $400 dollars due half of which is fees and interest. I decided I was gonna get my commission no matter what it took made a quick stop and filed a complaint. Once at the school while digging through my trunk for school books I found a Government envelope, must’ve been some of the mail my mom had given me on my last visit to Delta. Opened  it up and got more good news. I was being charged for fraud for an overpayment of $8 on UEB which happened right before I left to NY while I was gone an additional $200 in income was reported I immediately called them requested the records and gathered paperwork to file an appeal.( An appeal which I have not filed yet) I was down  6 hours of my day despite my level of stress I told myself that nothing was gonna bring me down.I was gonna study for this Exam and kick ass. I took a seat in the 4th floor of the library turned my computer on to find (wait for it)............ it wasn’t working. So I then had to walk my happy ass all over campus all the way to the IT dept and on my awesome walk my phone stopped working. I no longer had music to keeping my sanity. I was gonna lose my shit, right then the urge to punch everyone that crossed my path arose, but I suppressed it. Continued on with my day until I tried paying my NY tickets after half an hour of no success I almost lost it again, and gave up momentarily logged on to facebook crossing my fingers that my best friend would be on so I could let it all out, before I imploded. Of course with my luck that was not the case and out the 15 ppl that were on she wasn’t one of them instead my awesome lil NY ex-boyfriend was on I had to let it out , I felt like my insides were boiling I had never experienced so much failure in my life, let alone in one day. So…......... I skyped him.
I should have known better For this all I got out of him, “You look like your about to cry” No shit Einstein I just told you about the shit day Im having. I thought to myself. “That sucks”……he continued “anyway my ex gf” I don’t give a fuck about your ex gf right now, again thinking to myself. Apparently he read my mind. “Does it bother you when I talk about her.?”  Implying I was jealous this pissed me off even more. I had bigger fish to fry and far bigger concerns than his immature ex gf problems. “Wait my new girl is calling me, BRB” and just like that he was gone. God damnit!! Why the fuck did I expose myself and my shitty situation especially to a shitty person who did not give a fuck?!
That was it. I had, had enough! Something was gonna work for me today even if it killed me. It had to, so I set out to study 6 hrs later I walked out of the testing center expecting at least an 85% and got slapped in the face with a 66%. I laughed in disbelief, once in my car my laughter turned into hysterical sobs. After a couple of close calls during the day, I completely lost my shit. I cried harder than I ever remember and reproached God all throughout my commute. “What the hell is your problem? Why me? Why don’t you do this to evil ppl, murders, CEO’s, Wall street brokers, Lawyers, salesmen? Im not bad, I don’t deserve this , k so maybe I corrupted two of your virgin men but that’s it! And it wasn’t all my fault it takes 2 tango! And yeah so I drink too, a lot of other ppl do,go after them stop sending all this shit my way! He never responded or maybe he did because the next day I learned that in my decision to move departments I had gotten my pay cut as well as my hours. Hows that for a big F YOU from the man upstairs.