Always remember ladies: Younger boys= fun Older guys= Relationships

1/29/12

 I jumped the gun. One weekend with D in NY and I hadnt been able to stop talking about him to my mom, my friends, my exes anyone who would  listen. I failed to go out on friday due to regression into that phase of calming down because you  have someone.That comfort of knowing that someone out there thinks and cares about you as much you do or at least you hope. Envisioning what the near future beside that person might be like all to find out that I was alone in this feeling and it was only one ended.

Two months ago he mentioned that he had gotten me a gift, I thought to myself shit, I didn't know we were gonna do gifts. I didnt think we were to that point, but if he was doing so, so was I. So for the next 2 days I stressed myself out asking every guy I knew for ideas researching websites and going out of my budget( take into mind this happened during my finacial crisis where I didnt even have a dollar to spare.) to find the perfect gift I ended coming up with a webcam and a year subscrition of Maxim magazine, not the perfect gift, but what man would complain. I eagerly awaited the mail wondering what he could have possibly gotten me. "After having it shipped back to him" He decided he would give it to me in NY. Once there he didnt want to "ruin the excitement". And wanted to mail it to me.  Once home, I recieved an overnighted package of tostones. Which made me smile how sweet of him to remember my craving and I took it as a sweet gesture. Come to find out this was my Christmas present. This was what  I had eagerly been waiting for all along. A last minute gift based on a last minute craving I had on the way to the airport. Realizing now the shallowness of our relationship. I despise my gullibility and my patheticness how did i care this quick for this...?

  To make matters worse since I thought it was only a sweet gesture I proceeded in the same way and mailed him a party favor I had gotten in Park City. Which he recieved yesterday and didnt acknowledge, mention,or thank me for, until today. To add insult to injury he showed it to his friends, who knew that banana chips had been what I got for christmas. Gotta love looking dumb and desperate. I feel like one of G's dads lovers the older ladies who date him, do everything for him all in exchange for a good fucking.

 The problem here isnt the Christmas gift (although a major downgrade since  my last gift from a bf was a coach bag, followed by an entire collection of Paris Hilton perfume from a rebound the following year.) The problem here is discovering an uneven balance. Jokes on me, ha ha ha?! How is it that after 2 out of 3 younger guys who all along I know arent relationship material I walk into this trap. Que estupidez la mia al pensar de nuevo que un nino sin trabajo y aun en la casa de sus padres se podria comparar a el hombre q fue B. Which by the way I had dinner with a few nights ago and learned he now owns his own house. Why oh why, did I let that one go?